I heart the band!

I didnt think I would ever say that but there it is.
The scrapbook club I belong to go away four times a year to an old country house where we do nothing but craft and eat and chat and laugh.

We go on Friday afternoon and stay until Sunday afternoon. You get three 2 course meals a day with coffee and cake inbetween each meal! Honestly in the past I would gain at least 7lb on these weekends.

The last time I went was right after surgery so I wasnt eating solids at all. This was my first weekend eating normally. I just took it easy and ate what I could. I did feel like people were watching me but they are all my friends so it wasnt uncomfortable. The only problem I had was with Sunday lunch. Roast beef, yorkshire pudding and all the trimmings. I dont eat yorkshire puddings anyway so I gave that away. I actually only ate 1 slice of beef, 2 small roast potatos and a spoonfull of carrots but I got stuck and PB'ed. That left room for dessert! Which was a lovely buttery peach thing with cream. Dont worry I only had a spoonfull.

But I heart the band because I still lost 1/4 of a pound. Not much I know but NO GAIN!!!!!!! I could not imagine going on one of these weekends and not gaining weight. It's a whole new experience for me and I love it.

Now I have to get back into the exercise as I have seriously let this slip for the past two weeks. The weather has been really hot and its very tiring but thats no excuse because you all deal with much hotter weather than me and still exercise. Back to the gym tonight!

Tomorrow is my BYOC challenge day so lots of drinking and gym and I am quite looking forward to it.

Have a good week everyone x
Much love xxx

BYOC !check me out" on a Friday too!!!!!!

****************************************************
1. This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)

I have 6. 3 in each ear but I only use one set now I have "grown up" snigger :-)

2. I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?

I have one. On my left hip. I caught a glimpse of it the other day and had even forgotten it was there! That's what gaining 70lb will do for you. Anyway my tat is a chinese symbol which means "together" and it has an M next to it for Marcus. I know it means together because I got it from a chinese dictionary so I am not one of these people with a tat that they think says "I love you Mum" but actually says "chicken fried rice",


3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?

1. sob hysterically – like the kind where snot runs out of your nose onto your shirt…you know, pretty crying
2. suck your thumb
3. throw a tantrum
4. curse the fat Gods
5. eat 16 twinkies
6. rinse and repeat

I cant top that answer from Draz because thats exactly what I would do!

4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.
What will you do for just one day in your quest towards health?

Last week I didnt do too well keeping my challenge so this week I am going to be more realistic. I am also choosing Wednesday and I will drink 2 litres of liquid and go to the gym (no matter what!)

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?

Band Babe has captured my interest this week. She is amazing and has done SO well! I am always shocked by her honesty but love her to pieces.
And Draz's med post also struck a nerve with me and many others.
All in all it's been an interesting week. I have had time to keep up with everyone because work is so slow and I have enjoyed sharing your week. Thank you x

Are you following me?????

I just found out that I have several new followers. If you are following me and I am not following you please comment and leave me the name of your blog so I can follow you too. Thanks for reading; I appreciate your interest and hope I can be of help to you at some point.

Why does chicken hate me??????

Since I went to the doctors on Friday and found out I wont be getting a fill until September I have gone a little nuts. My food choices have been horrible and I have stopped logging everything down. This is a scary slippery slope which I am not one hundred percent sure why I have chosen. I was feeling pretty positive after the appointment. Confused now.

Each day I have started with the right attitude but it hasn't even lasted until 10:30am. So tomorrow will be another new start. I am not going to be beaten!!!!
Wish me luck.

I have kept my promise from BYOC and started to pack an afternoon snack which has kept me away from the bread when I got home.

But I haven't been great about the gym as TOM is here and I feel really drained. I will keep trying though. That's all I can really promise.

But regarding the title, everytime I choose a healthy meal that includes chicken, I am sick. Tonight I had chicken cooked in tomato sauce with garlic and onion and pasta. It was low calorie and delicious but after one piece of chicken I was sick. No wonder I am choosing easy foods :-(

I found out this week that some of my friends consider me to ba a fairly negative person! I can honestly say I was shocked. I have always considered myself upbeat, enthusiastic and positive. And I always thought "everything will be great when I finally lose weight". What a shock to find out I am a misery. I read my blog and I think they might be right.

The conversation started because they were discussing my weight loss and said I didn't sound pleased. But I find it very hard to take a compliment and I was always told growing up not to show off so I don't want to be in people's faces about losing weight. I can tell you I am very pleased with myself and love all the changes that are going on in my life. Plus because both my daughters are big I feel guilty about making a big thing of it.
So task for this week is to stay positive and try to show other people that I am very happy, honest!

Oh and I have an update regarding the interview faux pas last week. I emailed the guy yesterday with the correct information and he emailed back today to say my details have been passed to the employer and that he would be in touch by the end of the week so fingers crossed ;-)
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement, they really helped x

On other news my one and only sister is pregnant. This is huge news because she said she never wanted to have children then she had a miscarriage earlier this year. It was right after she had told everyone so she then had to tell everyone that she had lost the baby. It was really tough. We come from a very small family. My grandmother was an only child and my mother was an only child then there was just me and my sister. Both our parents are dead so its just us.

She is 13 weeks now but has had some problems because she has a heart shaped uterus. But at least they know what to watch out for this time. I am trying not to get too excited but I am beside myself with happiness. I cannot wait to be an Auntie.
And the baby is due on what would have been my grandfathers 100th birthday, how weird is that? Hope its a good omen.

See I have lots to be positive about!

Summer Challenge: Week 2

This weeks weigh in. YAY! Down 3 pounds, how's everyone else doing?

More fears than you can throw a stick at!

OK I just completed Draz's BYOC and started to read everyone else's.
Now I have the beginning's of a panic attack!!!!

I didnt consider getting drunk and making a show of myself.
Or any of the other new fears I am reading and the stupid part is I'm not even going. Which has now made me realise my biggest fear. So I would like to change my answer to this BYOC question.

My biggest fear is that you will all have a fantastic time and not bother with the other bloggers that could'nt go :-(

Now I know that you are all wonderful people that would never be so cold but who said fears were rational?

BYOC

If your heart had a singing voice, whose would it be?

MMM this made me think. I had to laugh too because after listening to my heart it sounded like a Disney princess lol

2. What is your most disgusting habit?

Hmm...I think if you asked my husband this he would say not covering my mouth when I sneeze. To be fair I am usually more concerned with crossing my legs and not peeing myself plus there is NEVER any snot.

3. Carmen and I were talking about Chicago and our fears...for those of you going (and those of you not you can answer as if you were going)...what is your biggest fear?

Well I'm not going unless the lottery decides to be kind before then :-(
But mine is travelling alone and that no one would like me. That everyone will click and go off in groups and that I would be left in my room.

4. This isn't so much a question but a challenge. Name one thing you will do for just one day next week in the name of health and commit to it on your blog and to us.

I'm going to go to the gym at least 3 times. And I am going to plan and weigh my food and include a snack for mid afternoon because lately I have not eaten between lunch and the time I get home which means I am hungry when I get in and start grazing. NOT GOOD. So plan plan plan.

5. Whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week?

Debi post
Her and Walt have a big week and I think anyone who is going through this journey and dealing with other big life challenges needs support. Plus Debi always finds time to update her blog and encourage other bloggers by introducing them to everyone else.

Why you shouldn't lie.

Today was my Friday off work so I made an appointment to see my dietitian.
I was hoping that as she was training to do fills the last time I saw her she would be able to give me a fill today. Or at least some advice on how to speed up my weight loss.

She weighed me and was very pleased that I had lost 15lb in 7 weeks. Their scales made me 4lb lighter than the one's at home????? But I'm sticking to mine as they are what I weigh myself on every week.
She was surprised that I wasn't over the moon with this weight loss. Almost like she thought it was going to be a surprise for me! I'm sure these doctors think you don't weigh yourself at home? I had only just read Graces post where she lost 15lb in 1 month so I wasn't impressed.

I told her I can eat almost anything and that my portions were getting bigger and I wasn't staying full for more than a couple of hours (all things that indicate I need a fill) and she said this was how I was going to feel for the rest of my life. I was always going to need will power so this period between fills was good practice. She thinks I still have SOME restriction and has booked me in for a fill (wait for it)..... on the 3rd of September!!!!!

That seems like a long way off. She said the clinic was fully booked until then. And even if it wasn't she didn't think I needed a fill just yet.

We talked about diet and exercise and she asked me how many times I exercise a week. I said at least 3 times a week which wasn't a big lie. Most times its that much but the last 2 weeks its been less. Her advice was to increase the exercise to 5 times a week! I know she is right but its not easy staying motivated.

Anyway even though I didn't get the news I was hoping for I left her office in a very positive mood. Oh and she also said I have to lose at least 8lb before I go back which is a pound a week. She said I should be able to lose at least a pound a week. I am hoping for a bit more but I am going to give it a go.

When I got home there was a message on my machine about a job I had applied for. I was petrified. I called the number back and it was a recruiting agency. The guy wanted to do a ten minute telephone interview aaarrrggghhhh!

30 minutes later he said he was happy to put me forward for the position subject to receiving my certificates and identification paperwork. So here's the problem I bolstered my CV by saying I had a HNC in Business Studies but I only finished the first year because my Mum got cancer and died the following year. So I don't have the full certificate plus he asked me what level six sigma training I had and I said Green when I only have Yellow. It wasn't a proper lie I just couldn't remember which one I had. So now I have to contact him on Monday and tell him the truth. There goes that interview. And it was for a local company too.

I honestly cannot explain how stressed job hunting makes me. I have a real phobia and I am working myself up into a panic. Everyone tells me I will be fine and that just makes me feel worse. At the end of the 30 minute interview the guy said I sounded like a very confident, intelligent woman and he enjoyed talking to me so why do I feel so stressed??? I really wish I could control this.

I have to point out I never lie, not ever. It is just the way I am. It doesn't always do me good but I cant help it. So the only time I broke that rule I get caught out. Bloody typical.

If you read to the end of this post it might sound a bit negative. And looking at most of my posts lately they all look like moaning but I am just not that great at explaining how I feel. I am feeling very positive today and upbeat.

The doctor was pleased and I got a call back at least. Two good things!
The weather is supposed to be nice this weekend and I already have my lottery tickets. What more could I want?

As I live in the UK I am forced to join in the football frenzy that is going on at the moment. There is another England match tonight "come on England" so I have hung out my flag and bought some flags for the car.
I thought we played really well last week against the Americans. One mistake is all it took so fingers crossed that tonight they can avoid any more.
The only thing driving me mad is the sound of the Vuvuzelas!

Just checking in.

Hi everyone, just thought I would check in.
Emotional eating, don't ask. Horrible week.
Need a fill, quick. Seeing the Dr on Friday but not sure if they will do a fill. Fingers crossed.
Just got laptop working again so I am catching up on the bloggs.

Much love

Summer Challnege

Hey everyone,

Here's my week one weigh in for the Summer Challenge. Off to a flying start, only a pound down but at least heading in the right direction!

Hope everyone else is doing great!

BYOC

1. What was your first pet?

• The first pet I can remember was a dog (mutt) called Sandy but we always had pets even though we had no money. I brought my kids up with pets around too. We have had birds, fish, turtles, dogs, cats, hamsters, rabbits etc etc. But now I am with Marcus and he is not very pet friendly. He always thinks of the practical stuff. I REALLY want a dog but he says no because we work full time. I know he is right but I want one like I wanted babies. Anyway he finally gave in a little and let me have a parrot. I know nothing like a dog! So we got this rescue bird and she is a total pain in the arse which only reinforces his no pets rule. She screeches all evening disturbing his TV (ha ha) which means I am going to have to work a lot harder to get a dog aaarrrggghhh.

2. When did you lose your virginity? (Okay – before you throw stones and break out the holy water – first of all – this is not my question. It came from a follower and I obliged cuz I like it…so there.) Obviously don’t answer if this is too personal…..but don’t hate me for putting it out there.

• So this is where I am trusting you to be non judgmental wonderful blog friends and not think badly of me. I was 14 and a half. I didn’t have much love from my family. Two alcoholic parents. So I thought if I gave it up someone would love me. Yeah that worked out great ha ha ha

3 & 4 – I’m combining these two cuz this answer could be long. A follower (thanks Steph) asked if I could ask what a daily meal plan looks like for each of you – out of curiosity and out of possibly learning new foods to try.

I try to eat the following:
1 weetabix 5:30am
1 yogurt 10:30am
WW soup 1:00pm
small portion of family dinner usually pasta or chicken & veg 5:30pm

Usually the first part of the day works but the evening is a bit hit and miss of late :-(


5. Repeat question: What blog or blog comment stayed with you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

Hide and seek from Draz x

WARNING!!!!!! RANT AHEAD

Today I am really angry! And Aunt Flo is not due for 2 weeks so its not her fault.
To make this easier to explain I will list my gripes.

1. Why when DH gets a new item (just got new cable box but it could be anything from a cell phone to a DVD) do I have to pick up all the crap that comes with it? Instruction books, packaging, cable ties etc. They get spread far and wide as can be in this pokey little flat and then just left. How inconsiderate is that! "Dont worry about all these little plastic bits some mug will pick them up" AAArrrggghhh.

2. DH calls from work to "chat" and wonders why I am in a pissy mood! Now I know he is working to get some extra cash but we work at the same place so I know its not hard. And if he wasnt so lazy I would be able to keep on top of this mess.

3. There are four adults in this flat so when was the vote taken to make all the cleaning my responsibilty? If I make a mess (and I do) I expect to clean it up, why dont they????

4. The power lead to my laptop is broken so I am typing with one hand and holding it in with the other. Work bought the laptop 2 years ago instead of me getting a pay rise. DH said they should buy the new lead which wouldnt be difficult as I am the only purchaser now so why is the rightious part of me saying that is wrong and still struggling with the broken lead?

I should give you a little background on work. I have been there for 10 years DH has been there for 4 years. I am his boss. This was fine when I had a director above me because DH respected his authority but the director was laid off last September. Sine then I feel DH has undermined my authority because he knows I dont like my new boss. This has made working together really hard. We are both losing our jobs in six weeks and not only that but the company we work for is closing down.

It has been left to me and 3 others in my team all of who are losing their jobs to close up the company. So not only do I have DH questioning every decision I make but I have a totally unmotivated team to work with.

I really appreciate how they all feel as we have been treated badly buy I can't change the way I work. Also I spent all day yesterday answering the phone to iriate customers who are fed up with the service they are getting from the team who are keeping their jobs and relocating to the new office. Its so demoralising.

Anyway I have had a little cry while writing this and feel a little better but not much. But maybe the whole work thing is why I am so angry. My worst trait is that I think the world should be fair and I find it hard to deal with when its not.

Anyway on a band related topic this week has been pants! I wanted to stay away from slider foods this week but I got a mouth infection, very sore gums, and so have had to stick to soft food and soup. Not very good at keeping me full but at least they went down. And having a sore mouth all week has made me really fed up. I don't go to the Doctor's because they will give me antibiotics which give me thrush. So I am no better off. :-(

So sorry to whinge I have to stop now because I could go on. Thanks for reading and sticking with me. I am off for another cry now.

Much love xxxx

Hot Summer Meltdown!

Day one of Hot Summer Meltdown. The scale says 235.6 I think the flash makes it look like 2356 ha ha. I need this challenge SO badly. I was thinking of giving in and joining Weight Watchers or something and along came the challenge. So it saved me from the dreaded diet club.

I can't say I have been great today but I did burn 650cals at the gym so not too shabby. I am looking forward to getting back to work and back to a routine. It's very sad I know. But this weekend was my long weekend off (Fri, Sat Sun) and we went to a Theme park yesterday which meant rubbish food and ice cream but lots of walking.

I have been catching up on posts today and I am very worried about pouch stretching and portion control. It's something I will be watching this week.

I called my Dr's office and made an appointment for the 18th of June to discuss my food choices and maybe a fill. I don't really know if my slow weight loss is because of what I am eating or how much I can eat so I am going to monitor it for the next two weeks and see if that makes a difference.

The other thing on my mind is the fact that I can lie down and flip my port over very easily. They had trouble filling it last time because it was the wrong way round so I am going to ask if it is normal to be able to flip it over. I know from reading posts that most people in the USA have their ports stitched in place so I guess they don't flip?????

Anyhoo I am really in a positive mood and ready for the challenge.
Good luck everyone and much love x

BYOC better late than ever!

1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?

* Florida. No question! I love it. I love the people, the weather, the pace of life, the diversity. I just love it. Now to find a way to fund this dream ........

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?

* I am a little ashamed to say I was 13. I drank Babycham a sort of very sweet sparking wine and boy was I sick!

3. What was your favorite toy growing up?

* We were poor too and I can't really remember any particular toy of note. I do remember that I wasn't allowed to have a Barbie (not sure why) anyway as a result my first daughter had over 150. I used to sit and brush their hair and dress them up while she was at school then she would come home and change all the clothes and mix everything up which used to drive me crazy.

4. What's your favorite season and why?

* I absolutely HATE winter not so much for the cold but for the dark mornings and dark evenings. I really believe I suffer from S.A.D and this year I am going to get a UVA light to try to combat the effects. But that said although I LOVE summer for the obvious sunshine my favorite month is September because: We get beautiful clear skies, fresh mornings, dramatic clouds and if we get a really nice warm day it feels like a parting gift before the Autumn really sets in. Also whenever I have been to Florida its been in October so September is my get excited month where I look up at planes in the sky and think "that will be me soon sigh"


5. Repeat question....which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week?

* Anything Grace has said. She has really been in my thoughts this week.