Monday, 30 August 2010

Another weekend has flown by. And this was a Bank Holiday three day weekend too. It's funny how they still seem to go so quickly even though I do not have a job to go to tomorrow???
I do have an interview at 3pm tomorrow for a production planning job so fingers crossed I will get through the first stage at least.

I have been cramming up on my buzz words and will make sure I include them in my answers. I actually quite enjoy interviews it's just the constant fear of testing that gets to me. Tomorrow's interview is with two women, not too sure how I feel about that yet? I will let you know when it's over.

I went to the zoo yesterday with Marcus and we just had a wander round (no kids) which was nice and relaxing. We had pizza and pasta buffet for lunch. I managed 1 slice of pizza and two fork fulls of pasta but I was hungry again 2 and a half hours later and ended up eating pick & mix sweets. Not too many though.

We came home and had a twilight marathon. I had only seen the first one so we watched the next two films back to back. I can't see the attraction myself which I assume can mean only one thing. I'm OLD lol.
That said I would definately be team Jacob. I might be old but I'm not blind.

It is about this time of year like everyone else I am mourning the end of summer and any good weather is to be savoured like the last piece of a delicious dessert. It rained on and off yesterday so we came home from the zoo early but this morning the sun was shinning and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I think the very strong wind had blown them all away. Anyhoo I decided to cycle to my sister's which is about 5 miles away. I went out quite early so the traffic wasn't too bad. I really enjoyed it and when I am riding my bike I feel like a kid again. It's all I can do to stop myself sticking my legs out as I coast downhill.

I visited with her and gave her the shawl that our Mum made for my daughters when she was alive. She really appreciated it.
Then I wateched some TV with her and her partner. They were watching "man vs Food" which is a US show about giant burgers, BBQ's and half roasted pigs. My mouth was watering SO much but I thought "I would still only manage about one bite". It did look delicious though. Then I had to cycle home. In my mind if felt like a chore but once I was on my bike it was wonderful. So I cycled just over 10 miles in total this morning. I can sure feel it in my legs. My sister lives up a hill too!

This week coming is going to be pretty busy with the interview, weight watchers, the gym, Zumba and a fill on Friday.

Friday, 27 August 2010

News update ... ... ... ... ... ...

I had my second weigh in at Weight Watchers and I lost a 1lb. I was amazed as I had been out to dinner twice and really thought I would gain weight. I was even sitting at home contemplating not going to the weigh in but I was so glad I did.

I know 1lb is not much but I have spent the last two and a half months faffing around and not losing anything so three pounds in two weeks is fantastic for me.

I have also upped the exercise this week, going to the gym more often and also increasing my workout to an hour and a half. Yesterday was hard work. I did 30 mins on the cross trainer, 20 mins on the stepper and 30 mins on the treadmill then headed to the sauna and steam room. Then in the evening I went to Zumba for an hour. Man alive I was shattered last night!
Today is a rest day.

In other news I am still hating not having a job. I mean really hating it. So I went to the job centre and they have offered to send me on a CV and interview course on the 6th of September. Sounds good but I don't want to be out of work that long.

Anyway while I was in the gym yesterday a guy called from a recruitment agency and said he has got me an interview for next Tuesday. Yay I am so excited. The job is a little further away than I wanted to travel and the money is a little less than I was previously on (well quite a bit less) but hey it's a job and I am earning nothing at the moment. I am being interviewed by two women so not too sure about that. First time for everything I suppose and this is only the first interview. My only concern is that the job is on a lower level than my previous job and both women are currently doing what I used to do so will they think I want to work my way up and will they be threatened by me? Laughable really as I have no self confidence so I don't think I threaten anyone but you never know.

They have narrowed the search down to me and one other guy so the odds are good.
I will spend the weekend learning about the company, the position and the location and fingers crossed all will go well on Tuesday. They also want to have the second interviews next week so things will move quickly.And just to make next week even more interesting I have my second fill on Friday.

Now I need some advice on this fill. It is only my second fill since I was banded on March 22nd. I am always hungry and when I eat it doesn't fill me up for long which is why I joined WW. But I still throw up all the time (about 4 or 5 times a week). Last night I came in from Zumba and had a small portion of spaghetti bolognaise. One mouth full went down painfully. Second mouth full and bang I hiccup then throw up. So I thought I would have a yogurt. 2 yogurts later I am still hungry so the munching began. I had a banana, a WW carrot cake and a small piece of Turkish delight., If my meal had gone down I would have been too full to snack. So you would think I had restriction right? But on other occasions I can eat pizza, roast dinner, and ever increasing portions in general.

I think I eat too fast and I am working on this but if I tell the doctor that I still throw up he will not do the fill. Help!!!!!

We have a new Government right now and since they came to power only a couple of months ago they have cut everything. They have stopped all hiring within the government and local councils so that has not helped the job market and they are getting rid of everyone on temporary contracts (this includes my eldest daughter). They have also cut the health budget and everything is being scrutinised. To the point where they have stopped drugs which prolong the lives of bowel cancer patients because they are too expensive.
This has lead to animosity for weight loss patients who are seen as wasting the governments money by requiring treatment for overeating. I watched a news programme this morning where they said the money should be saved for people who need operations for conditions brought on by no fault of their own. Weight loss patients have even received hate mail. So I am very aware that the chance of getting fills will decrease in the very near future. It has been four months since my last fill and I don't even know how many fills they will allow each patient. I need to take every opportunity to get a fill as this may be my last one.

But I am really grateful that I got banded when I did because I know it is going to be MUCH harder for anyone on the waiting list now. Knowing that is really helping me stick to my plan and keep on track. It's just so sad that governments are so short sighted. Don't get me wrong I don't think cancer drugs should be stopped in favor of weight loss surgery but losing the weight will reduce the risk of becoming a cancer patient in the future and while they are still performing breast enhancements on the NHS I refuse to feel guilty for having weight loss surgery. It seems the overweight patient is just an easy target.

Ok ranting over. Hope everyone is well and have a great weekend,
Much love x

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Watching the Weight Worked!!!

Yesterday was my first Weight Watchers weigh in. I lost 2lb!
I am so happy. I have really struggled with little or no restriction for quite a while now and I have tried to manage on my own but I didn't get this big because I was a great dieter.

I need to be accountable to someone other than just me. So even though the beginning of the first week didn't start well because we still had the boys and still ate junk, I must have made up for it in the last few days. The WW leader said if I can lose weight this week I can do it every week and she is right. I left the meeting feeling happy but a little guilty that I haven't told them about the band. (I am never going to tell them). Most people don't understand that the band is not "cheating" or that it doesn't do it all for you.

Even close friends have said to me "whats the point of joining WW? Does that mean the band doesn't work?" I feel that it is not a failure to need to go to WW with a band. I just need to have some guidance and get weighed every week. Most people don't understand that you can gain weight with the band and that it is not always as tight as it could be.

But one thing the band has taught me is not to worry about what other people think. This is my journey not theirs.

Other news. A good friend of mine gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday morning. Baby Emma was 6lb 2oz.
Hopefully they will be home today. The sun is shinning and its a beautiful day to bring home baby. Congratulations Sue & Dan.

I am waiting for a call about a job so fingers crossed I will have an interview soon. Then I can really start to panic.

I read Amy W's post yesterday and was in awe of her achievement. She is a super star. People like Amy are a true inspiration to those of us starting this journey. Its so easy to feel like a failure if things are not going well in the beginning. But Amy has had highs and lows and like she says she continues to " fight the good fight". Look what 18 months of fighting have done. Well done Amy, WOW.

So I am off to see what Thursday brings. Hope you are all having a great week.

Ta Ta for now x

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Hello Tuesday.

Check me out two posts in as many days. WOW!

Last night I cycled to Zumba, worked up a hell of a sweat then cycled home. It's only about 10 minutes each way but I was super pleased with myself.

Other big news this week is that my sister had her scan yesterday and the baby is fine. It has all its fingers and toes and I can now stop calling it IT as she is expecting a baby boy!!!!! This is huge news in my family as my grandmother was an only girl, my mother was an only girl, she only had two daughters, me and my sister and I had two daughters. So a baby boy is something special. And as I am the only living family my sister has on her mothers side I am going to be Aunt and Grandmother all rolled into one. I cannot wait.

I am not sure how this weight watchers thing is going to work with the band because yesterday I struggled to get the minimum amount of points so had 4 cookies to get the number up. (it was such a chore lol) and that wasn't even taking into account that I threw up half of my lunch and gave the other half to DH. Sorry about the info but there it is. So do those points count?

Don't get me wrong I can eat. Boy can I eat. But it's difficult to know what counts and what doesn't if it doesn't all stay in there.
I wish I could change the fact that crap like cookies and crackers and chips go down so easily and things I enjoy like chicken and salad wont stay put. It's a learning curve I know.

I went to the recruitment agencies today and got a bit of a cold response. Nothing around at the moment it seems but they have said that August is the quietest month as so many people are on holiday. Apparently it should pick up in September. Can I stand it that long?????

I have a wedding to go to this weekend and I just found a brand new dress in my daughters wardrobe that is just the right size. What a result? I don't want to buy any new clothes and she doesn't mind lending it to me. It's all good.

So that's been my week so far. Not too shabby.
I have my weight watchers weigh in tomorrow evening and I am feeling really nervous. I had forgotten how it feels to go back to the weekly weigh in. I will blog even if it's bad, I promise.

Have a lovely evening.

Monday, 16 August 2010

Hello it's me!

I can't believe that I haven't blogged since the beginning of August!!!!!
I have been so busy and not had access to the laptop so it seems like ages since I was here. I am sorry to all my followers that I have left it so long. I know when I follow someone that rarely updates its disappointing to check in time after time and see nothing new so a BIG thank you for sticking with me.

So I finally left work. My last day was a little odd. I was glad to see the back of some people but still a little emotional about leaving the company. After all I have seen most of the people everyday for 10 years. My marriages didn't last that long! I sent an email to my customers and suppliers saying goodbye and got some very touching replies. I was really surprised at all the lovely comments and good wishes. I think that is what has made me the saddest, the fact that the relationships that took 10 years to build are now over in a flash.

Also I have now realised how much of my self worth is based on my job. There are parts of my life that I know are not shinning examples to anyone and could use vast improvement. There are also things which although you shouldn't be measured by, you invariably are. Such as owning your own home, that I have balanced with the fact that I had a good job. And now I don't have that job I feel quite lost.

I have taken 2 weeks off from the above as we usually have the boys for the first two weeks in August. We have been to theme parks, the zoo, the parks, shopping malls and they also ran a 5k while they were here. We are thoroughly exhausted! We drove them home on Saturday leaving at 6:30am and returning home at 5:30pm. Eleven hours in the car is not fun.

I have eaten nothing but junk for the last two weeks. Not massive amounts but junk none the less. So the weight loss is not going well. In fact it's not going at all. But that is just down to me not using the band and not planning properly. Being out every day for the last two weeks hasn't helped. Also I seem to have got to a point where I am quite comfortable and the initial incentive to get the weight off hasn't been as strong.

Any who on a plus side I am in a unique position. I am now in a place where I have to meet all new people. So I can turn back time and reverse decisions that I have previously regretted. I will explain. I have regretted telling everyone about the band because it made me feel uncomfortable and it was all anyone would talk to me about. So now when I get a new job I will have the chance to keep it to myself. Also all the new people will not be impressed with my 48lb weight loss (making me lazy about losing more) as they won't have known me heavier.

Example, I recently joined Zumba and the lady asked if I wanted to lose weight. Why yes I do. So now I have to make an effort to lose some weight because she does not know I already have.

I am due to have my second fill on September the 3rd. Yes it's only my second fill. I can't wait to get it as I really need some help right now. But they told me I have to lose 8lb by the time I get the fill. Yikes I think I have gained some weight since I was weighed at the hospital. So I sucked it up and joined Weight Watchers!!!!!!!
Again, they do not know that I have a band. They do not know I have lost 48lb and I'm not telling them. I need the incentive that they think I am only just starting out. I need the encouragement.

I feel really positive about the whole situation. How many people get a second chance so early on in the game. I get a restart.
It is going to be difficult not having a routine, not having structure in my day. Being around food all day will be hard. But I need to take this opportunity and use the time wisely. God knows I haven't used the money wisely. (that's a whole other story)

My weigh in day is Wednesday. I don't have much hope for this week as the boys didn't go home until Saturday but I will be happy if I lose one pound. And I have Zumba tonight and plenty of time to go to the gym. I also got my new bike which I will be riding to Zumba. Check me out.

So a few weeks ago I promised Draz I would do something positive. I think joining Weight Watchers and getting my bike is a good start. I am also trying to increase the fluid intake to 2 litres a day. And taking a leaf out of Draz's book by preparing as many of my meals in one go so they are ready when I am feeling weak. I even made enough soup for the week.

Onwards and upwards friends. I will catch up on all your news this week. No 1 daughter is away on holiday for a week so I am using her MAC. Who knows I may even post a VLOG by the end of the week lol.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

BYOC, I know its Sunday!!!!!

1. What is your favorite genre of movies? (comedy/romance/horror/action)

* I love movies. I watch anything really. I know what Draz means about weepies though. I still think about The Notebook. I cried SO much. I like horrors less as I am getting older, why is that? But i like something with a twist. At the moment I am waiting to see Toy Story 3 and Inception. The boys went to see the A Team tonight but I passed on that.

2. What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

* I can't really eat chinese food now. It's weird, crud like cookies and chips go down ok but any takeout food gets stuck. I think its because I still shovel it in just like the old days. But if I was to order chinese food I would have crispy duck and pancakes, and sweet & sour chicken balls but I wouldn't eat the outside cos I don't like batter. So its just chicken really lol. Oh and noodles!

3. Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?

* Swinging is not for me. I can think of nothing worse than seeing strangers naked then bumping into them in the supermarket. Sex is too personal for me. Plus I would not want to see the disappointed look on the poor guys face who got stuck with me.
But each to his or her own. I just prefer to leave that stuff to fantasy. But I LOVE Dr Phil even though I think he would get on my nerves when TOM was visiting. I am the only person that can be right then. Can you imagine his face if he caught me eating straight from the fridge?

4. Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do one next week that is for your physical/mental health.

* Do you know what, I will stick to some sort of eating plan. I have been mega bad. I might get my face out of the duvet long enough to blog about it but don't hold your breath. I will do SOMETHING positive, promise.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

* I have to be honest and say this is the first day I have read any but even if it was not it would still be Grace's rant re Tiff.
She has such a way with words and I read her post and imagined myself jumping up and down cheering in the background. She has done so bloody well and she puts me to shame.

Link to Grace