why do I sabotage myself???????????????

Hi

It is now five weeks until my appointment with the doctor and my first appointment with the surgeon. At my last doctors appointment he told me I needed to lose 10 kgs before I saw the surgeon and I haven't lost anything. In fact I have gained 2 ks!

Why can't I help myself? I am so angry with myself. Now I have to crash diet to try and get some weight off before the end of August. I feel awful. All my joints are aching and my feet have started to swell up every evening.

Anyway I am joining the gym today and I have loaded a calorie checker into my itouch so I have all the tools I just need to remember how much I want this and do my best to lose enough weight in the next 5 weeks to convince the surgeon to band me.

I am so scared they will say no. But I am also scared I will get banded and fail. Maybe I just need to stop thinking about it too much and get on with my life?

Hopefully my next blog will be a bit more positive, sorry.

Right, off to the gym